There are times...

I have been lying quiet low now for a few days. But then there is quiet a lot happening thats why. And these are the times when inspite of the fact that there is so much happening, when it comes to telling what it is, you feel kinda..i dunno...like there actually is nothing much to say. Something like we meet up some friends after quiet sometime. There is so much that has happened in this time span. And yet none of that is really spoken. In some cases yes. In many cases, just superficially. Its like there really is no point telling something which is maybe a thing of the past. Thus though as and when events keep happening in your lives, you say to yourself that when I meet so and so, I will probably tell him this. Or maybe that I wish so and so was here for this to listen to. And when the time comes and you meet that person, these things are either long forgotton or maybe remembered but over with or maybe its just become inconsequential now.

I just wrote down something some time back. I really dont care when I wrote this one as to whether its turned up right. Whether it rhymed or not. It just felt right for me somehow. Its not perfect. But it quiet summarises what I go through a lot of times.

There are times when I have so much to say
Its not that I don’t find the words
Its not that I don’t have anybody to say to
Its just that I wonder
I wonder if I would ever be able to say it in entirety
The small details
The deep emotions
Maybe it’s the fear
Of being misunderstood
Or maybe of being understood
Of being felt sorry for
Its also because then nothing remains the same
Would we change
Our attitude to life?
Or worse still
Our attitude to each other?
Can everything ever be untouched again
I hear a no in my head
And it is this that scares me
But how then do I just keep it within me
This searing pain is almost unforgiving
I wish to just say it all
But then come the times when there is indeed no one
I find many
But none who would want to listen.

It’s a strange concoction
When there is the desire
There isn’t the courage
When there is the courage
There isn’t the desire
When there are both
There isn’t anyone

And hence
There continue to be times when I have so much to say
But I conclude
That perhaps
Some things are maybe not meant to be
Or maybe some things exist
But their time is yet to come.......